Story of me

On a weekend me and my family went to a cousin’s wedding. I really don’t like that family events where you have to go almost chained to your parents and this situation happens because when you are a child you can’t decide what to do, I mean it’s not like you are a busy kid at 11. I had to wear the dress I hated the most and combed my hair just to look nice to all the family. Me, my brother and my mom got to the ballroom of the wedding where there were many lights crossing from left to right, from up to down and spinning all over the chairs, tables, people, walls, drinks, food, that entire room. I hate so hard to dance, moving my entire body according to a certain rhythm and melody of a song, I simply can’t feel the music, nobody taught me how to dance and I’m a introverted person with difficulties to relate to others. Sitting on a chair with no food in front of me while everybody was already dancing, I thought, I’m bored enough to dance, so what the hell; I stood up, walked down to the dance floor determinedly and started moving like people around me, I guess that were their dancing moves. I didn’t noticed when I started dancing on automatic, maybe I drank what I was not supposed to, or ate something that had disturbed my notion of the moment; one song kept playing after another and I kept dancing, I closed my eyes and moved my body freely underneath all those lights; I didn’t felt present at that place, I couldn’t notice that people were staring at me. I couldn’t stop dancing, I had overcome my fear and my insecurities.  From time to time my mom or other family member came to say to me “Hey you’ve danced a lot, come and have something to eat or drink, I could get you a glass of water.”, to what I answered “No thanks, I’m fine.”… or that was what I thought. My white dress glowed down the purple light and suddenly drops were staining my dress, but I kept dancing, I thought maybe they were effect of the lights. I felt dizzy and looked at my dress again, when the lights stopped I could see blood on me. I touched my face with my hand and then I noticed that my nose was bleeding. My mother came running to me and took me to the lady’s room to clean me up, she gave me a glass of water and took me outside to get fresh air. The supposed explanation of my bleeding nose was that I danced many time and that my body raised it’s highest temperature  to cause that reaction.  It scared me a few time later, I thought that If I did something I liked or enjoyed in excess, it would probably cause some bad reaction and that I had to establish boundaries. After that experience I really couldn’t be able to get on that state of almost omnipotence and unconsciousness.  Maybe If I got a few drinks and drugs I could feel something similar or totally different, or maybe It was just a childish experience of freedom, spontaneity and security.  I would never know when to take advantage of certain moments and live them at limit, I guess I’ll just do it all the time.